My biggest wish for my sister survivors - to really LIVE

Hearing the words “you have cancer” is definitely a life-altering experience. It's a moment that adds a foot-note to your life of before, and after.

The moment you hear those words, you're a Survivor. From the emotional toll to the externally obvious physical toll, you persevere. For many, life is just survival.

I spent a lot of years just surviving my life. And that was before cancer. Burnout taught me to make changes to how I did things so that I would actually enjoy my life again. Then cancer threatened to take me right back into survival mode, and I was pissed off about it.

That very weekend after being told, I journaled constantly. I took a ride on my road bike and got lost in thought. I decided how I wanted this to look for my kids, who were 13 and 15. 

I wanted to be an example of resilience for them, emotionally and physically. I didn't want to sugarcoat it, I wanted to be real with them - they were old enough to experience a good portion of the reality of my situation.

Most of all, I wanted to show them what it was like to go through a truly really difficult time, and still have happiness, joy and fun. I wanted to cheer them on at soccer games and swim meets. Have them see me go for mt bike rides and smell flowers. 

I wanted them to see me LIVE not just survive, for however long it took me to get through this. And I decided that before I even got my biopsy results. That decision has carried me through to this moment, 3 years and 2 months later while I recover from my most recent cancer related surgery.

I can't wait to get back on my bike, back into the woods, back into the river… and in the meantime I'll smell the flowers and look for four leaf clovers 🍀 in my yard. I'll enjoy a late May fire on the patio we built while I was going through chemo. 

I see so many of my breast cancer sisters unable to enjoy living while going through treatment, and I’m working to change that. My support group is free and meets every month. I'm also opening up more opportunities for 1:1 coaching so that I can really teach the skills I've learned that helped me so much. 

I don't want you to simply survive, I want you to really LIVE 🩷

Thoughts on 3 years of survivorship

This third year of breast cancer survivorship hasn't been an easy one for me. I've been healthy, I've been happy, I've been grateful, I've stayed active, and gotten stronger. Yet, I've struggled.

People don't talk about what it's like to try to regain your footing in the real world after the all encompassing cancer bubble. For that time period you have a singular goal: survive.

Then chemo is in the past and food tastes good again. You've recovered from surgeries, the radiation burns have faded, and life goes on as it was before.

But you're not the same person.

You've experienced things that were truly hard. Made decisions that were difficult to wrap your mind around. Really thought about, and were faced with, the fragility of your own life.

Things that once seemed like a big deal to you, no longer matter. You know what is truly important and you want to put your time and energy into those things.

You may want to live your life as an example of what is possible. You may want to simplify your life so you can quietly enjoy what matters to you the most. You may have another idea altogether.

Or you may really be struggling to figure out how to move forward at all, still in shock over what you've been through.

For me, I want to be an example of what is possible in survivorship and I want to show others how to move forward. The hard part for me this year has been figuring out HOW to do that - I want my work to be meaningful, to make an impact. And I have spent most of the last year laying the groundwork.

In August I started a free monthly support group for women of any age who were diagnosed with breast cancer before 40. I’ve met some amazing women in that group and I love hearing their stories. One thing I hear each month is how much this helps them, talking to others who get it. This Thursday the 3rd is our next meeting!

And now I also offer coaching for young breast cancer patients and survivors. I love to be able to support women through all of the stages of this process. Getting the word out about my coaching is what I’m working on the hardest right now. So, if you know of someone who is tired of feeling the way they do, no matter where they are at in their breast cancer process, please forward this to them 🩷

Unleashing Your Creative Potential

Creativity is a quality that’s within all of us waiting to be discovered or nurtured. It's about inventing something new or reinventing the familiar to make it fresh and engaging.

While some people's creative abilities may seem more easy flowing, everyone can tap into their creativity with the right approach. Here are some tips to help you unlock your creativity:

1. Change Your Perspective:

   "Think outside the box." Consider the situation from a different angle. Break it down into elements and shuffle them. This helps remove mental fixations that act as a roadblock to creativity.

2. Mentally Step Away: Imagine how someone else would react in the same situation. Consider how different scenarios would unfold. Apply solutions from different settings to your current situation.

3. Let Your Imagination Soar: Exercise your imagination. You can do this by modifying, exaggerating ideas, or thinking of extremes. This can trigger new ideas and perspectives.

4. Create Your Comfort Spot: Find a quiet, distraction-free environment where you can focus. Or maybe you’re the type who needs to surround yourself with like-minded, creative individuals to enhance your own creativity. Do what works for you!

5. Embrace Time: Creativity can't be rushed, but you can figure out ways to get yourself into a creative state of mind. Allow ideas to flow naturally whenever you can (make sure to keep your brainstorm notes all in one place for reference!). If time is limited, keep a list of creative activities handy to stimulate your mind. I love having go-to crafts I can pick up and work on for a short period of time to keep my brain agile.

6. Seek Collaboration: Share your ideas with others. Diversity of perspectives can spark new ideas. Organize brainstorming sessions where criticism is postponed, combining and modifying ideas is encouraged, quantity is valued over quality, and weird or strange ideas are welcomed.

To have an amazing brainstorming session, remember these 4 important guidelines:

• No criticism… it stops the free flow of ideas. Wait to edit until you’re done brainstorming. 

• Combining and/or modifying ideas should be encouraged!

• Quantity is preferred over quality in brainstorming. Just keep going, again, you’ll edit later.

• Weird or strange ideas are where true innovation begins - let your imagination run wild.

These tips are just a starting point. Creativity is a personal journey that requires openness and a willingness to push boundaries. By embracing these practices, you can unlock your creative potential and discover the world of innovative ideas waiting in the recesses of your mind!

Embrace Your Inner Optimist: A Journey to Positivity

"Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results." – Willie Nelson

As a happiness coach, I've seen firsthand how our mindset can shape our reality. When we face challenges, it's natural to feel overwhelmed. But the way we approach these challenges can make all the difference.

Dr. Martin Seligman, the world's foremost expert on optimism, believes that everyone is born optimistic. However, as we grow up, many of us become pessimists. We start seeing the glass as half empty instead of half full. But is it really that simple? Can we be a bit of both?

The truth is, most people fluctuate between optimism and pessimism. And strangely enough, things often turn out the way we expect them to. When we're optimistic, things tend to go well. When we're pessimistic, things often go awry.

One telltale sign of a pessimist is their response to stress. A pessimist might say, "I can't handle this," showing a sense of helplessness. An optimist, on the other hand, might say, "I won't let this get to me," showing a proactive attitude.

Optimists focus on what they want and believe in their ability to achieve it. They don't give up easily, attract success naturally, and lead happier, healthier lives. Their positive outlook inspires others to be positive too, creating a ripple effect of positivity.

But true optimism isn't just about positive thinking; it's about how we see the world. It's about facing challenges with a positive attitude and always looking for the silver lining. As Norman Vincent Peale said, "Change your thoughts and change your world."

Choosing to be optimistic doesn't mean we won't face difficulties. It means we'll have the strength and resilience to overcome them. It's about being proactive and learning from challenges rather than letting them defeat us. I like to think that in each challenge is a gift even if it’s only the gift of learning from the experience itself.

If you're not naturally optimistic, don't worry. You can train your mind to be more positive. It takes effort and conscious awareness, but it's possible. Each time you catch yourself thinking negatively, turn it around and find a positive aspect of the situation you’re in.

Practice positive thinking and positive feeling. Allow yourself to think new thoughts and feel new emotions. Believe that you can attract wealth, success, and happiness into your life. Take action towards your goals, and you'll see results.

So, I encourage you to be optimistic. Expect the best from life, and watch how your mindset shapes your reality. Think and act optimistically, and you'll attract positivity and success into your life.

Have you dug into your overspending triggers?

Redefining what is a luxury was a big shift for my spending habits

Do you feel like overspending is keeping you from sticking to your goals (or setting them in the first place)? This topic recently came up in a group I'm in. Women were debating *why* overspending is prevalent. This is one of the reasons I think it happens that people don't consider, so I thought I'd share my response with you all!

I find that sometimes overspending is a reaction to people feeling like they were deprived at some point in their lives. As children they were embarrassed because of things they couldn't have or buy because parents wouldn't or couldn't provide them. So now, as adults, they buy things to make themselves feel socially secure.

We as humans overlook the basic need to fit into the group as a survival mechanism. When other kids are mean to you and ostracize you because of how you look (clothes you wear, what trapper keeper you had, whether or not your family bought lunchables) it triggers a primal survival instinct to fit in.

Back in the caveman days, if you weren't part of a tribe, you were more likely to die. It's not literally the case now, though the people you spend the most time with still impact your life trajectory greatly, but that part of the brain is still there and we're still living by those instincts. Overspending is one of the ways it presents and social media definitely exacerbates it.

The same happens if someone grows up wealthy and then goes out on their own and earns at a different socioeconomic level than their parents. That can really mess with their identity and sense of belonging.

It comes down to emotional intelligence and being happy with who you are as a person. Recognizing you're safe, deciding how you choose to live, and defining your own idea of success. As long as our basic needs are met - food, housing, transportation, most of us can be very happy with whatever income we are at as long as we find safety and joy within ourselves.

Costs have definitely risen to a level that has outpaced income. We have data for that, it's undeniable. Should we have to live with less comforts than our parents and grandparents? No! But overspending beyond our income level is putting our future selves in jeopardy.

I'd love to hear if anything came up for you while reading this. Drop a comment or send me a message using the contact form!

9 Ways To Calm Money Fear

Fear gets to the best of us, whether it is fear of failing with money, or fear of being successful with our money. All of us have experienced fear at some point in our lives and it can be a real stumbling block that holds us back from being truly successful.

Fear can’t hold you back forever if you don’t let it. These tips can help you with any type of fear, not just fear around money. There are several ways to overcome fear, here are my top 9:

1. SEPARATE REALITY FROM PERCEPTION

Ask yourself what is really going on with your finances, locate the facts and separate them from your feelings. Clarity helps you to calm your emotions and focus on what you can do.

2. IDENTIFY THE TRIGGER

Figure out what it is in a money situation that triggers you. It can be helpful to journal about that so that you really understand what bothers you and why. Learning to identify it will help you learn to deal with it. 

3. KNOW WHERE FEAR LIVES IN YOUR BODY

A lot of times, fear takes over physically. It affects different people in different ways. Identify if/how it affects your physical body and do the work to take care of your body. Some people notice the physical feelings before the emotions, so this can help you to recognize the emotions too. For example, if when you are stressed you get tight shoulders, you may notice the tight shoulders and THEN think “I wonder if this is stress, and if so, from what?”

4. PRACTICE GRATITUDE

Every day, list out 1-3 things you are thankful for. It doesn’t matter how big or small it is, gratitude helps shift the mind into a positive light, which over time, overcomes fear. 

5. LISTEN TO YOUR INNER VOICE

Monitor your inner conversations. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself. Speak positively to yourself and remind yourself of your strengths. Remember how you have grown and evolved over time.

6. CREATE A NEW ASSOCIATION

Remind yourself that the feeling and the moment will pass. Focus on the positive outcome of the situation, rather than the scary in between.

7. LOOK AT THE GLASS HALF FULL

Perception is a very powerful thing, and how you feel about your situation dictates how you respond. So think positively and you’ll give yourself a much better chance of success. This won’t happen overnight; practice with just one thought. What is one recurring negative/fearful thought you have? Work on reversing this one thought. Over time, this will become a habit.

8. PRACTICE BREATHING EXERCISES

Breathing helps center your body; when you stop breathing, your heart stops beating. You can do a grounding exercise (like the one in my Money Mindset Refresh), or even just take 5 deep, long breaths at any point to calm and center yourself. It is best to start your day with this, and feel free to practice all day long.

9. CREATE A SAFE SPACE

When you feel safe and secure, there is no room for fear. Find somewhere safe you can retreat to when ill feelings begin- whether this is a real place such as your bedroom, or a place in your mind such as the beach. This sense of comfort will soothe you and allow you to face your fear.

Please keep in mind, these are just 9 strategies, not everything works for everyone. But this is a place to start. Start implementing these techniques into your life and don’t let fear hold you back from reaching your goals and your highest potential this year!

Seeking Balance...

I’ve had some really interesting conversations with people about “balance” in life. Some people completely refute the idea thinking it’s an impossible goal, so why bother. These people may go all in on work projects and let their family duties fall by the wayside during that time. When the big work project is done they come back into their family life wholeheartedly. Other people take it to an extreme when thinking of the literal “time” that is allocated to each area of life: if I spend 8 hours at work, then I must spend 8 hours at home with the family. If I spend 1 hour with this child, I must spend 1 hour with that child/my husband/my sister/etc. This can be unsustainable and lead to guilt because there are only so many hours in the day and keeping track is hard!

My opinion about balance is that is both and still neither of the situations above. It’s about how you FEEL inside about those areas of your life. When you think about work do you feel as if you are spending the amount of time on it that it needs and deserves? Yes? Then it’s balanced. When you think about your family do you feel as if you are spending the amount of time on them that they need and deserve? Yes? Then that also is balanced. When you think about the last time you did something that was JUST for yourself, does it feel like you are spending the amount of time on yourself that you need and deserve? No… then you know what that means!

“Balance is how you FEEL about each area of your life, not equality.”

This lovely blog image is courtesy of my friend Michelle Opaski

Think of the rocks balanced on a cairn (hint, you don’t need to imagine it, there are photos of them all over my website for a reason!), are they all the same size? Nope. Size doesn’t dictate balance. Position does. Priorities and values, intentionality… they all lead to balance in life. When you have your priorities known in your mind, you aren’t drifting through your days and weeks. By setting intentions around your time, you are able to test how you feel. If you feel "off" with an area of your life, you can tweak your activities on your schedule until you feel more balanced.

There are so many similarities between how we think about time and how we think about money. Go ahead, think of a situation about time, and substitute the word money in the thought. The sentence works, doesn’t it!? And I’m willing to bet it also feels like a thought you would have, too. It also doesn’t help that we have sayings in our culture like “time is money!”…

I think that many women feel that spending time on their money isn’t a “noble” use of their time, and I completely disagree with that notion. Intention around your money can have enormous ripple effects throughout your whole life. Being intentional with your money almost certainly leads to less stress, which gives you more mental space to spend on who or what you want to be spending more time on. I recently asked on my Facebook page “if you weren’t bogged down with thoughts about money, what would you be thinking about?” and the responses were telling! People said they would be thinking about activities they could do with their family that weekend, or how to spend their vacation they have coming up, switching careers, etc.

So, if money wasn’t a big stressor for you, what amazing things would you be doing with all that mental headspace you now had freed up?

How is a Financial Coach different from a Financial Advisor?

You may find yourself wondering “what does a Financial Coach do, exactly?” and, “How is it different from what a Financial Advisor does?” You are in good company with wondering this... I had no idea myself when I first learned that I could be a Financial Coach! So let’s see if I can help clear up some of the common questions for you here :)

A Financial Advisor is a job title that many people are familiar with, they help you make decisions with your money generally around investments and retirement. Here are some things that Financial Advisor’s do:

• Manage your investments on your behalf.

• Help you decide what types of insurances you need and how to obtain them.

• Help guide you in saving the correct amount of money for big long-term goals like paying for college and retirement.

• Help you to know when you can make big financial decisions like buy a vacation home or retire.

This looks confusing, right? You should have a guide ;)

They have quite amazing ways of factoring in your current lifestyle and income, investment risk tolerance, and future lifestyle goals to magically figure out how you should invest and how much to reach the goals you have. Hopefully, my use of the word “magic” helps you to see that this is NOT in my wheelhouse! I happily refer clients to speak with a Financial Advisor for anything related to investments! 

What I do as a Financial Coach is to help clients get a handle on all of the nitty-gritty daily tasks around their money. We work on:

• Establishing good money habits with organization, savings, and bill pay

• Help them to see where they could save money because they are paying more than the average market rate

• How to pay down debt most effectively for their personal situation

• Making their money decisions feel good by aligning them with their personal value system

• Reduce stress around money and financial decisions by empowering our clients through education.

Y’all. That is the biggest one for me! Let me shout it one more time for the people in the back…

** Financial Coaches help clients reduce stress around money and financial decisions by empowering them through education. **

I love working with women who are ready to put in the work it takes to shed the overwhelm and disorganization because I know what it will do for you! It is truly life-changing to get your money in order. Clients routinely tell me that they sleep better, have more fun when they go on vacations, enjoy their free time more, etc. all because they aren’t constantly worrying about money! It doesn’t matter how much money you make, money stress can be there for everybody, and I know that.

Hopefully, you can now see the benefits of having a Financial Coach in your corner! If you are reading this and thinking “this lady is speaking my language!” then it’s time for us to have a chat! Schedule a free Q&A Call with me today!

Being Intentional

Congratulations! By reading my blog, and seeking advice from a financial coach at all, I feel as if you are already taking the first step to money success: you have decided to be intentional! You may not yet know what that intention will have you start with, but you are thinking about it. It could start with wondering if you have another blue top buried somewhere, rather than rushing right over to the store or your favorite online boutique to replace the one that got a stain on it today. You are intentionally considering if you need to spend that money to get the outcome you desire: a blue top without a stain to wear. Celebrate this first step! 

Being intentional about money doesn’t need to be super complicated. I actually like to keep things as simple as I can and keep the more complicated tasks for only once a month, a few times per year. Sometimes clients get concerned when I tell them that I will be showing them how to use a shared spreadsheet for their spending plans. They don’t want to spend all of their time nerding out on their money... Usually, my clients are already overwhelmed with their to-do list and they don’t want to add another task to it! 

Don’t worry, I’ve got you! 

The spreadsheet may take a little while to get used to, but once you get it dialed in, you will be so surprised what a little intentional time spent on your money will do! It will REDUCE the amount of time you spend WORRYING about your money. You will already know what’s coming up, and what to do the handle it - we will have talked about it together!

So, cheers to you! Taking that first step, learning more about money. Being curious. Being intentional. What will your next step be? Perhaps you keep reading and listening, perhaps you want to hit the 2x button and get to your destination faster? If you want help speeding up the learning curve, schedule a Q&A call with me!

A Shift in Perspective Can Help Your Money

I’ve always been a little disappointed with the view from my home. I can see a beautiful sunrise, but it’s mired with multiple utility poles and more lines than I care to count. As a person with the desire to seek beauty, I still appreciate it, but I rarely would share a photo with others because of these flaws. This year, my husband and I blazed a trail from our yard down the very steep bank to the river’s edge. Suddenly I have this gorgeous view, unmarked by phone and electrical lines - the same property, the same sunrise, just slightly down the hill… a change of perspective.

“Sometimes we get so caught up in the situation we are in that it’s hard to see the way through.”

Sunrise… meh

Try as I may to hide those lines, there they are along the left, cutting off the best of the view.

Sunrise: Ethereal

Sometimes we get so caught up in the situation we are in that it’s hard to see the way through. As a coach, I often see my role as helping a person become an observer of their situation financially and that is rarely black and white. Your bad day at work led to some “retail therapy”, shift from shopping to feel better, to taking a walk in nature or meditating. Your overscheduled weekend made it harder to plan meals for the week leading to a night of takeout and another night eating at a restaurant that wasn’t on your spending radar. Shift from paying for conveniences to taking 1 hour to plan for those days when convenience is needed.

We often don’t consider how our mood or time management effect our finances, but they do. I like to help my clients step back and see the root of why their situation is how it is. Sometimes it is a simple fix, sometimes it needs more digging, and slower action. My journey has definitely been the “more digging and slower action” plan. Helping my clients discover their values around spending helps them feel better about their money and increases their likelihood of success! 

Schedule a free Q&A call with me and we’ll see what a shift in perspective could do for you!